2006-12-11 - 8:57 p.m.
�So I�m driving today and this clown almost runs into me�.�
I had to honk at someone today. Twice.
I�m not a honker by nature, though living in DC might make me progressively more honky.
I do have set rules though and if you break them I will honk at you.
Rule #1 If your pulling into traffic forces me to apply my brakes just short of what would be called a �panic stop� You will be honked at. In fact I might follow you around for a while and continue honking.
I don�t mind tapping the brakes a little because you have no depth perception, but if I would have hit you at 55 miles an hour before you even got up to 15. Honk.
Rule #2 I tend to give people a second at a green light. We are all absent minded from time to time , and since this is not the nations capitol and I�m not going to miss voting on a big spending bill because you are thinking about what to eat for dinner, I�ll give you up to three seconds. (Yes I really do count) This is much more generous than DC drivers will give you. If you look they actually have their hand poised over the horn waiting for you to not bolt of the line like a pro dragster.
However there is a caveat to this rule. If you are digging in your bag, reading a newspaper, dialing a cell phone, slapping at your kids, or any other activity besides driving your vehicle, you get no three seconds.
Rule #3 If you are backing out of a parking space WHILE TALKING ON A CELL PHONE I will honk at you as if you were about to hit my car, because you probably are. Come one people, There are times when it is �safer� to talk and drive, never �safe� mind you, but �safer� but backing out of a parking space, or driving ANYWHERE in a parking lot is not one of those places.
This year I have had four people, who would have run right into my car while talking on a cell phone in a parking lot. 4 Maybe I spend to much time in parking lots� but I didn�t have four near misses in any other traffic situation this year so� Each time a prompt use of my horn, or the application of my breaks and the use of my horn caused you to assume the:
One hand holding the cell phone to the ear, the other hand covering the open mouth �I�m an asshat� pose.
Rule #4 This one covers all the other �Standard uses of the horn� Like:
*Hey, your about to merge into my passenger seat.
*Hey, your driving 25 in a 55.
*Hey, your tire is flat (usually accompanied by hand gestures)
*Hey, Bambi get the hell out of the road.
*Hey, your vehicle is on fire.
-Justus
*All real life occurrences of me using rule number four.
