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2006-11-08 - 5:05 p.m.

Loyalty

"LUKAS I. ALPERT

October 19, 2006 -- Samuel L. Jackson is the Lord.

In a new audio Bible series, the passionate "Snakes on a Plane" star will be the voice of the Almighty.

While he won't be quoting Ezekiel 25:17 yet - the Old Testament passage famously included in his menacing recitation in "Pulp Fiction" - as God he will still get the best lines."


Way to research your article Lukas. You can go online to several sources that feature fully searchable bibles, not to mention actually looking at a real bible, of which there are more of than any other book in the world, an you would find that the �Pulp Fiction� version of Ezekiel 25:17 is just that.

Pulp Fiction.

It doesn�t exist, at least not as quoted in the movie. And we are not just talking about a translational thing here, the passage the QT wrote bears no resemblance to the actual passage*. He couldn�t find what he wanted from the bible, so he just made it up.

I actually don�t have a problem with that, though I would prefer that people not try to pass it off as �real� scripture, but the fact that a major newspaper published that comment makes me cringe.

Anyway, you might wonder why I�ve singled out a lowly staff writer from the Post to direct my rant at, his just happens to be the first article in the reviews section of the new �The Bible Experience� audio bible.

As you know, I�m a huge fan of audio books, and have been looking for a good audio bible for a long time. It has not been a fruitful search. The bible as you might know is quite lengthy, and there are some sections that are, well, not exactly �moving� The point being that it is not an easy book to commit to audio in it�s entirety.

Not that people haven�t tried, there are several dozen versions, some by famous actors ect. There is a James Earl Jones version, unfortunately it is the King James version, and while I and many others love the particular poetry of that old text, it is not a good choice for study.

I have a fairly good version, a �dramatic cast recording� which has several actors playing many of the different roles, (I think there are several hundred �speaking parts� in the bible
I could actually do with out the �dramatic� reading aspect, at least from the version I own, it tends to be a rather poor performance overall, and it distracts from the text. So do many of the music cues, and background noises like a market scene ect.

No I would prefer the plain text, read by a competent voice actor, (if only Patrick Tull would do it!!!)

All that said, I was getting dog food at Sam�s today, and while waltzing by the book isle I noticed the new �The Bible Experience� audio bible I mentioned earlier. The cover is mostly a list of names, famous and not so famous actors, musicians, pastors ect, Obviously a strong selling point of this bible is who it is read by you dig? It is published by Zondervan, the largest bible publishing house in the world, they produce the NIV among many other versions, and have a very good reputation for what they sell, or at least they did.

I read through he names, Denzel Washington, Samuel L Jackson, TD Jakes, Cuba Gooding Jr. Forrest Whitaker the list goes on for a long way and includes just about every famous African American celebrity you can think of.

I�ve heard some of these folks read, and I was excited at the prospect of them reading the bible. So I bought it, and hurried out the car to give it a spin.

Dis�a�point�ment�.


The voice acting is actually really good. Better than any other audio bible I�ve listened to. Unfortunately the editing and production are very poor. There is never any space between the narration and the speaking parts, that half second pause that you look for at the end of a sentence is not there and it is really annoying. Instead of

Jesus said to them, �who do you say I am?� and Peter replied �You are the Messiah�

It sounds like this:

Jesus said to themWho do you say I amand Peter repliedYou are the Messiah�

It�s really bad, and consistent throughout. Now since this is a cast recording, and all the parts are done at different times ect, that means that the producers then spliced all the tracks back together. That means that they had complete control over those pauses, from a millisecond to a minute if they choose. The only thing I can think of is that they shortened the pauses to save on the overall time. And they probably did, it might be a 20 CD set otherwise, all those little pauses add up.

And by doing so they all but ruined the project. Then they added the score and background noises. And did an even worse job at that. The music is way over done. Scoring, when done correctly can really set the mood, draw out the feeling of a passage and turn the common phrase into a real moment.

Or they can suck and distract from the text. Guess which one these do�

And then there are the background noises. Dude seriously. What were you thinking? This isn�t 1940�s comedy radio theater. When the characters in the text are supposed to be near the water, it sounds like they are surfing.

And here is what really did it for me, in Romans 14 (my favorite) where it talks about not judging your brother because his idea of worship is different than yours and it uses the eating of certain foods as a metaphor, mind you this is not a table scene like the last supper, this an intellectual discourse, they have the sound of people eating. I don�t mean a little glass clinking table noise kind of thing, I mean CHEWING it sounds like the dude is ripping into a piece of celery. But wait, the best is yet to come�


However, the big names, the real selling point of this bible�

are all in the Old Testament.

Which is not a bad thing�

EXCEPT THAT IT WON�T BE RELEASED TILL NEXT YEAR.

OK here is the analogy. You go to the store and buy a CD that says Ultimate Blues Collection, featuring: BB King, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Ray Charles, Bo Diddly, ect ect With bonus DVD!

Then you get the CD home, put it in the player and none of those artists are one the CD.

�What the hell you think?� so you look at the liner notes, nothing there, they say the same thing as the cover. So you put in the special �bonus DVD� which shows an 8 minute �making of feature� again it shows all the stars, but you notice something, all the stars are playing songs that are not on this CD� hmm that is strange�

Then you look way down at the bottom of the menu, and there is says Complete Artist listing, so you wait while it scrolls down and down and down, maybe you just missed the big names, there are 18 CD�s after all, down down down,

and then is says, Part two, to be released next year! BB King, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Ray Charles, Bo Diddly, ect ect

I expect this kind of marketing dishonesty form the mainstream media. It is all part of the game. But this is worse than any bait and switch trickery I have ever scene, and the fact that it has been done with a bible makes my furious.

Yes those big names are part of the �overall project� But they are not part of this product, and nothing, anywhere on the packaging, inside or out makes that clear, or even unclear, in fact all the packaging is designed specifically to make you think that they ARE part of this product.

By the way this isn�t some 15 dollar CD, this is a $50.00 set. (32.00 at sams)

I�m very disappointed in the folks who put this together. I could live with the poor production, even the celery crunching, but the feeling that I got taken while buying A BIBLE will not be lived with.

It�s going back tomorrow. I�m writing Zondervan, (not that they will care) and I�m publishing this on Amazon and any other site that will let me review.

This is so wrong.

-Justus

*well there is one line that resembles, it, but certainly not the idea of the verse, all the verses in this chapter end similarly. Here is the real deal

A Prophecy Against Philistia
15 "This is what the Sovereign LORD says: 'Because the Philistines acted in vengeance and took revenge with malice in their hearts, and with ancient hostility sought to destroy Judah, 16 therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am about to stretch out my hand against the Philistines, and I will cut off the Kerethites and destroy those remaining along the coast. 17 I will carry out great vengeance on them and punish them in my wrath. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I take vengeance on them.' "


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