2005-01-15 - 3:47 p.m.
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Why you shouldn�t give beer to your dog.
Crusty old fighter tip O� the day:
Wear Shoulder Armor.
While most of you don�t need that little tidbit, if you find yourself agreeing with that statement, yet still not wearing shoulder armor. Get thee to an Armory! Post Haste!
Bonus tip, armor both shoulders, even if you only fight with a shield.
It�s been 70 degrees all week, and now it�s 40 and getting colder. It is as if mother nature is teasing us out of our warm coats and stocking caps just to smack us upside the head with an icy hand.
We used to get free cable. When we bought the house it was already on and we just never got around to telling Time Warner Cable to drive over here and turn it off. (we didn�t want to bother them)
Anyway one day I turned on the telee and was greeted by the black screen of no more free cable. We got a letter a couple days later from Time Warner, �On performing a routine survey of cable subscriptions, we discovered an active connection at you address. We have disconnected this connection, as you do not subscribe to Time Warner Cable. If you think the is a mistake please contact�.�
We almost sent them a letter saying, �Could we have our cable back? Please?�
Anyway I mention all this to contrast the following scene.
We were house/puppy sitting for some friends who do in fact have cable. It�s been about a year since we had cable, so I was anxious to check in and see what had become of the medium.
Damn, I thought things had hit bottom a year ago, and I was wrong.
Remember when VH1 was righteously bashing MTV for not actually playing any music videos? I think they must have dropped that ad campaign when they needed more time for �Lets watch fat B list actors compete for cash and prizes�
I have to admit that �I love the 80s� was a fun trip down memory lane. But it�s successors �I love the 40s and early 70s� and now �I love the 90s� has worn thin. I saw an advertisement last night for �I love the 90s part deux� Next week we�ll see that airing of �I love what happened last week!�
I flipped to TLC and saw the exact same episode of American Chopper that I was watching the day before we had our cable turned off�.one year ago. It was a re-run back then. I dug it for a while the first time I saw it. It was different, reality TV wasn�t quite as overwhelming as it is now. The episode of American Chopper was followed by another motorcycle shop show, which was followed by a car building show�
TLC, (The Learning Channel) has devolved into WRBSADC �Watch Rednecks Build Stuff All Day Channel� Which isn�t exactly true since during the day it�s �Let�s redecorate our home channel� What happened to �LEARNING� They used to have programs about history, technology science.
All reality, all the time.
I flipped over to Animal Planet. They had behind the scenes show about a new zoo in Canada. It was a pretty cool premise. See how things work at the zoo go behind the exhibits ect�
But apparently the mutton headed producer of this show decided that it needed more �drama� Enter the �overly dramatic voiceover�
They open this giant garage door to let the giraffes out. This is Canada and most of the time they have to stay indoors because giraffes and snow don�t mix.
This could be a nice time to learn about what is involved in keeping two story animals around the house, but instead�
(Overly Dramatic Voice Over) �The giraffes walk out into their pasture in what seems to be a perfectly nice day, but suddenly the clouds gather and Calgary is hit with a sudden winter storm!�
I should note here that there were some dark clouds on the horizon, but other wise it was still sunny and a bit breezy.
�Giraffe keeper Susan Shmol knows that time is of the essence, she has to get the giraffes back inside or.. they.. could� freeze! But the Bob the giraffe won�t cooperate! This situation is becoming desperate, but Susan remain calm,�(Susan remains calm because it is still sunny and sixty outside) �Finally Bob the giraffe is coaxed back inside the enclosure and the door is closed just as a frigid blast of winter air hits the building.
It was like watching a Saturday Night Live skit, only it wasn�t funny, it was supremely annoying. This was followed by the �the incredibly dangerous task of replacing the rock in the Hippo tank!�
Somebody needs to drive over to Animal Planet headquarters and smack that guy around a bit, and I volunteer.
Justus
